I always do things like this. I get into something for a while (often focusing on in especiall the first day) but I eventually forget about it. I tried a xanga weblog once, but forgot about it after 5 posts. I'd rather not do that this time.
Anyway, I always get ina refletive mood when I'm bored. I realize that I'm not living up to my potential and that I have fallen off the beaten path. I'd like to say I'm a Christian, but I'm not sure it's true. I certainly don't read the bible often enough and I'm constantly repeating the same sin patterns. I can't seem to escape for the same pattern and I never serve others, especially those I don't know. My relationship goes in spurts. One day I'll be "on fire for God" then the next day I'll completely ingore Him. I look for a feeling and when I don't get It I quit. Well, there's still this mundane life to live. Maybe I'll get it eventually. I'll get sick of this runaround and hunker down to a life devoted to Christ. But until then I'll just reflect and develop a deeper sense of inner despair (a little dark for you?)
The scary thing to think is that the majority of "Christians" do the same thing but aren't conscious of it. We sit around and parade around as christians, all the time marring the name of the one we say we believe in. Christians should be different than everyone else. Instead we hide within the ranks of our peers never to burst out. Sure, sometime we revert to Gurellia warfare, bu that's not enough. We need world trasformation now.
This is the part where I say "Oh well" and reverty back to my old habits.
Damn it!
Pardon my French
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Phillip Yancey notes that we sometimes get an image in our head of "what the church should be like," and think in lofty terms of what church was when it first started off, before hundreds of years erroded that ideal. But remember: Paul's loftiest writings on the mystery of the Churcgh as the body of Christ were written to the church in Corinth - one known for sins that made the heathens blush.
What does that mean for us? I am not sure. Only that God has entrusted his image to us. But, I am confident that, despite appearances sometimes, he knew what he was doing when he did.
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