Chernobyl

Some things that can cause a meltdown:

-Online game pieces not working at Playatmcds.com
-Unplanned, extra rehersals that eat up your free time before the next rehersal
-Thinking you lost you bow when you simply set it aside and forgot about it(well it's actually the school's but I'm still responsible fo it)
-People talking in the hall while you are trying to clam down after a 13 hour school day (noise in general)
-The shower suddenly turning really hot then really cold while you are trying to relax
- Learning about new homework or hidden homework (you know, the ones in the syllabus that are never mentioned after the first day of classes)
- multiple projects at one time
-slow internet
- hearing how busy someone else is when when they aren't involved in any extracurricular activities and have an easy major (me? no electives + 18 cr. per semester)
- having a $500 gig possiblity but having to turn it down becuase every scheduled rehersal conflicts with something in my schedule.
-not being able to practice for 2 weeks becuase of lack of time

I could go on forever; and these all happened today! Understandably, I had a bit of a meltdown. With schoolwork piling up and time running short I have hit a wall. Luckily, someone was there to catch me (God). I read psalm 24 and really tired to relax tonight. I had many distractions and things running through my head but I think I've reached the downhill. So why do I get so stressed?
I think the main reason is personal expectations; I expect perfection in school work. I simply haven't had the time to devote to studying and practicing that I would like and so I can see my grades slipping. I don't know why but grades hold many of us in a stranglehold. We try so hard to get A's and will destroy our health and become stressed simply for a letter attached to our name.

grades are labels. They tell us who we are academically. We even say "he's an A student" or "She's a D student (no gender bias intended)." Our live revolve around how some prof. decids to grade our papers, projects, and tests. Often we are subjected to thier personal bias and, as a result, we try to find our their preferred answer instead of seeking personal understanding. I won't even sepak up in class for fear of not having the prof.'s desired answer. This makes for an exemplary student when I do have the answer but for a lousy learner. I want to get past this grade obsession but it seems the harder I try the worse I feel about relying so I'm led to work more for the grade. So I play this game where I fall to pieces simply becuase I can't get someone else's idea of concept mastery finished instead of finding out what the course has to offer me and really learning. Countless times beloved subject have fallen away becuase they have become a class. I enjoyed theory, until I was graded on it. I desired to know everything about that research toppic, until I became my reasearch topic. get the Idea?

And soI continue in this cycle of stress and anxiety all becuase of a simple sheet of paper that tells me who I am.