At this moment I feel like being dramatic. I would like to write in broad generalizations which would, hopefully, draw sympathy and pity from the few readers I may have (even if they only exist in my head). Yet, I will not take such a tone becuase I truly despise that cut-your-heart-out melodrama and I refuse to add to the steaming pile of refuse that clutters the online blogging community. Instead I will remain level-headed and write with reason and restraint, but still suppressing my inner self-absorption.
I have come to a conclusion after a summer of simple jobs and poverty (not to undermine real poverty stricken people, I still have it pretty good by some standards) that God is using this painful season to draw a line in the sand. Will I join his secret, peaceful, counter-cultural, and revitalizing revolution (thank you Brian McLaren), or will I turn to my own way which is also the way of the world? He is stripping me of money and power which poison the world and drive all of us in our search for the "American Dream", and he is making it possible to either become depressed or turn to the only source of happiness left - Him.
Problem - I don't know if I can turn my back on money and power. It's not something that you can simply decide and then the world will magically get better. I sure wish I could say that and then God would deliver my dream job and financial security to my doorstep. I also wish I could drive pleasure from trusting in God to provide, but its not that simple. Undoing all that is flesh and sin can't be a simple act of rational thought. Only a spiritual transformation can deliver the comfort and joy I need. However, all I feel is a deep despair and anger at the state of my life. Will God drive me to the very brink of darkness, taking away all of my money and power, to drive worldliness away? When is it enough for God? Must I truly lose it all for the sake of the kingdom?

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 10:39

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5

"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
Luke 16:13