Ever heard of Social Anxiety Disorder? Of course, most people have. Well... I'm begining to think I may have it. I am often uncomfortable in social situations, I avoid parties or large group gatherings (unless faces remain nameless as in Vespers), and I don't enjoy meeting new people. So what does this mean? If I do have it I will, in one sense, be satisfied; I'd like to think that i am this way becuase of a disorder. Also, I have always had this "glamorous" view of mental instability. I suppose that I associate mental problems with genius so I need to have some sort of problem if I ever want to become one. However, I aslo want to be normal; I don't enjoy the way I feel around strangers and I don't enjoy the intense feelings of stress I get in an embarassing or potentialy embarassing situation. I was especially freaked out when once, during Vespers, I has extreme anxiety for no reason. I was unable to give anyone eye contact and had this weird urge to spin in a circle (strange huh?). Well, I suppose it doesn't really matter becuase I can't afford to be diagnosed. That and I don't necissarily agree with naming all human ecentricties as disorders. That doesn't mean I don't believe in ADD or Autism (these problems are completely legitimate); I just think that many people who are diagnosed with depression or SAD doen't really have a full blown problem. Kids especially are being spoon fed drugs to keep them in line when that's the last thing our culture needs. It just seems that we sometimes sacrifice our uniqueness to create order (once again this is not cut and dry).
Well that's enough of a tangent for one night. Hopefully I can get over whatever it is that is plaguing me.
4 comments:
You might have to consider whether you really desire fellowship. I know that sounds stupid; I'm not saying you don't want friends. But maybe the idea of SAD is attractive also because it lets you off the hook (in a way) from companionship and the things that go with it (vulnerability, accountability, etc.) I felt compelled to say something because I feel very nearly the same way. It used to be a lot more difficult, though (social situations). Sometimes I still feel weird, and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to say anything to anyone or be natural in social situations. For me what has been key is to stop viewing social situations as successes or failures only. I've realized that if I go into a social situation determined to be the side of myself that is funny or witty or random, 9/10 times I fail, and that personality is whisked away to be replaced by something dull and aloof. Besides, usually I end up not being sincere when I'm trying so hard. I'm not really sure what I'm saying. I guess it all comes back to being satisfied only in God - praying that He might bring you to that point - because when nothing else matters, social situations don't require that much of a conscious effort. For what it's worth, we are created to fellowship with one another - we can't make it on our own - , and I believe that God will fulfill the desires He gives you.
PS - you don't come across as socially inept as you make yourself sound :)
I agree that I probably don't have any reeal problem. I think it might be a conbination of what you said and that wierd desire for genius that I mentioned. However, the experience at Vespers really scared me. I felt very strange for no reason, I wasn't in a social situation but I did have tons of stress to deal with and many things were going through my head. I tend to aviod labeling a problem as a deficiency but can I simply rule it out?
Yea, freaking out like that is rather scary. One thing I would say is that satan can do that too. I've had similar things happen to me when I just have thousands of things running through my head (usually of things I've done) and I feel like screaming just collapsing on the floor (which I have actually done before). It's just scary how much power he can have over us sometimes. He'll always expose your weaknesses. If your weakness is feeling vulnerable around people he'll exploit that to his best ability. My weakness is pain, both physical and emotional, and he loves to dig his claws into me to make it worse. To make me mad at God for it even though it's obviously not God causing it. Like I said before God doesn't want us to suffer and when He sees that we are, He just waits for us to come to Him for comfort. He'll stand there with open arms and tears streaming down his face saying "Come, my Child." And then we can just let go. Let go of all the things that we're thinking about and worried about. And all of the sudden we feel lighter and more joyful than we have in a long time. After that initial breakdown of emotion, of fear and doubt all mixed into one big mess of tears we can be free.
and Brittney's right, you really don't come off as socially inept as you think.
That's so funny, 'cause I started thinking exactly the same things, including your subpoints about the overmedication and overdiagnosis of mental problem, etc., in high school. I know exactly how you feel. I can't spend more than a few minutes at a party with lots of people unless I'm doing some goal-oriented thing that I can concentrate on, like winning a game or washing dishes. I used to spend the majority of any party in the bathroom, staring at the floor and trying to breathe normally. I feel really stupid when it happens, too, but all of my friends are very affirning.
I think that's the one thing that really helped me: realizing that its okay for me not to like big groups and just be an introvert. What Brittney wrote is very true, too: social situations are not win/lose. I'm so competitive that I tend to think of them that way, and its never done me any good. What I did was find a few very fantastic people who help me feel confident. Jamie and Elizabeth are good examples.
The hard part comes when people actually are mean or insensitive or insulting. I still don't know what to do with these people, and I usually just ignore them (translation: dwell on what they said or did for weeks).
So I don't know a 12-step program to get over social anxiety, but I do know that God is a good idea in general when it comes to facing stuff like this. And its also nice to know that you're not the only one. :)
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