Discontent with self identity

Who am I?
This is a question I find myself wondering. Often, it is in superficial things: am I a good person? Likable? Attractive? Unique? Talented? Who and what am I? How do others see me? What would they say defines who I am? Do they know much about those things that supposedly define me?

I feel that most people would probably refer to music, playing the bass, and teaching to who I am, but most of them know so little about these things. If that is who I am, then who knows me? I think God sees it in much the same way. We know some of the things that define God: love, justice, grace, mercy, omnipotence, but what do we know about these things? How do we see these things played out in the history of God? How does he view these things? It is knowing these things that define God that we can begin to know God.

Back to my point. Freshman year I had a friend here, Adam, who loved jazz and played well. We would talk about jazz and music and philosophy during lunch, often to the exclusion of others. Yet, that didn't matter because I had a friend who knew me. He understood the things that define me and knew how they played a role in my life. Not only that, he sought to find out more of who I was in those things.
Now, I don't have a friend like that. My friends see jazz and bass and education as foreign. They steer clear of them and the best conversations I have are about the weather or homework (the college version of the weather in conversation). Now, I know that I do the same to my friends, but it is becuase I don't know much about their things. Maybe I should seek out their defining characteristics. or maybe I should find new friends. I just don't see that happening. I do love my friends; they try to connect even though it doesn't succeed. Once again, with no clear cut answer, I go to bed. Perhaps I'll actually fall asleep quickly this time.