Some thoughts on my current position

While studetn teaching I come across a very unique set of realities that I never would have expected. Perhaps I will delve into more later, but for now I'd like to consider my status as a non-student.
Since I spend the majority of my days off-campus, I find that I spend very little time with my peers. In fact, I rarely even see my roomates since I am here for rehersals, food, and sleep. This has, of course, put a serious strain on my relationships which is a painful reality. As I mentioned in a previous post, this stage of my personal development is characterized by a longing for a depth in relationships. Now, since I am not in any sort of romantic relationship, I find the fufillment of that desire completely in friendships. So, at this most crucial of times I find less time for the relationships I crave and even less cooperation from said friends. It has not been unusual for me to extend a hand towards one of my friends and find they are disinterested. They are more often spending time with their friends that are around more, or doing activites they planned while I was gone. This leaves me with most weekends spent alone, searching for something to do and someone to hang out with. Of course, not all the blame rests on my friends shoulders; I have been very busy and, as a result, have become distant.

At times I question putting students in this position. I student teach becuse it is a requirement for the major and also a great learning tool (only way to learn is to get your hands dirty). But perhaps it should be paired with something else or spread out over a longer period of time. At the very least, music majors should not be involved with performing groups. My colleagues go home after their student teaching and prepare for the next day/relax wheras I go from one rehersal to the next until it is 8:00 and I am too tired to accomplish anything. I'm also usually uptight becuse of this schedule which passes on to my friends and roomates, putting a strain on those relationships I so desperatley need.

In the end I will survive through this week, but I don't know what damage it will do to my friendships. Coming back to classes next semester will be a challenge and who knows what kind of person I will be at that time. Business and the cold relaity of the public school teacher's job have forced me to grow up fast. I'm beginning to like hearing the name :"Mr. Myers" and have begun to act more like my parents. I'm not sure if I will even be able to relate with m peers when I return. I just hope I can find some people whom I can truly talk with and know on a deeper level becuase I'm sick of shallow, pointless firendships that only end in dissapointment. The time will come when I'll stop reaching out to build relationships with friends who don't give back and I hope at least some of them reach back.