While I do appreciate the concern of others when it comes to my self esteem, sometimes I want to hear the truth. This is most apparent in the world of the Bethel Music department. In an attempt to be as Christ-like as possible we have once again misread the words and deeds of our savior. Let me give you an example. I am a music music major which means that my performance on a specific instrument, in this case the Double Bass, is important to my future. However, whenever I look for an honest assesment all I hear is "Great Job". The saddest part is that no matter how badly I have played (and a while back thoroghly provede this hypothesis) I always get the same response. Now, I still maght be able to pay attaention to myself and imporve according to my standards alone, but input is valuable to me. If I would have known that the faculty thought I sounded horrible (hypothetically of course) I would have practiced more; I am encouraged by constructive criticism.
I think the truth is the faculty are afraid of hurting my feelings and therefore end up hurting my career. Also, the end up hurting my feelings indirectly by avoiding me in the halls (yes it has been done!) or not having me play for the NASM recital (I'd like to know the reasoning behind their choices).
Another factor that causes my feelings to be hurt is my personal insecurity. I have only been playing in an orchestra since Freshman year so I am not as secure in my self image as those who have played since age four. I admit I have made tremendous progress and in that area I get a straight answer, but I want to know how GOOD am I? How do I stack up to other bass players my age who are music majors? well that's enough for now. Maybe I'll coax a real answer out of the faculty.
1 comment:
I know the feeling. With vocal stuff I can usually coax the answer I want out of somebody by saying something like "what could I do better?" However, when it comes to composition I can't get a word of critical feedback. Part of it is probably that they don't feel qualified to judge compositions, but I'm sure most of it is 'Christian Nice.'
If you want to know how you compare to other players, go to a competition. I know that there aren't as many bass/string competitions as vocal, but look into them. Judges who have been sitting around all day listening to various students tend to have very little 'nice' left in them.
As for the NASM thing, don't worry about it. It was over-crowded and the last two performers did not like getting ready all day and not allowed to perform. Besides that, some of the absolute best performers at Bethel weren't in it. At least, that's how I've been consoling myself about not being chosen...
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