Where pondering should be done

Pondering should be done in quiet.
Where one is solitary;
on a walk, in the dark,
far from the limelight's torridity .

Deep thought must be like a prayer.
It does not seek attention or accolade.
Instead it seeks the inner self;
probes the pitch that others might evade


Discussion should be done among honest folk;
friends who have weathered many a season.
Together they grasp in the dark
hoping to pull a pearl from the briny depths of reason


But beware
discussion with strangers brings fear;
not jumping from cliffs of prior knowledge
into the freedom of the mind's fathomless mere.

With strangers, how one fears the leap
recite old verse and plagarize,
Teaching classics to our naive peers
What pageantry just to prove we're wise!

We have begun showboating,
putting our intellects on display
it's a competition of minds;
a game our hearts were never meant to play.

Stop your talking!

Stop your talking!
I despise your loaded words,
your deep thoughts
and imagined philosopies.

Have not others come before you?
Others more learned, more verbose?
Yet you use discussion for your own gain,
causing your head to swell;
an unholy bastion of philosophic greed.

Your reason is a bitter drink,
I spit it out for it is distasteful.
You have tainted the waters of philosophy,
with your teaching you have spoiled it.

So do not come to me with your heavy thoughts,
Do not begin to lecture me with stolen concepts
The gods of thought stir in utter contempt
As you weave a web of flattery and self promotion.

Discontent with self identity

Who am I?
This is a question I find myself wondering. Often, it is in superficial things: am I a good person? Likable? Attractive? Unique? Talented? Who and what am I? How do others see me? What would they say defines who I am? Do they know much about those things that supposedly define me?

I feel that most people would probably refer to music, playing the bass, and teaching to who I am, but most of them know so little about these things. If that is who I am, then who knows me? I think God sees it in much the same way. We know some of the things that define God: love, justice, grace, mercy, omnipotence, but what do we know about these things? How do we see these things played out in the history of God? How does he view these things? It is knowing these things that define God that we can begin to know God.

Back to my point. Freshman year I had a friend here, Adam, who loved jazz and played well. We would talk about jazz and music and philosophy during lunch, often to the exclusion of others. Yet, that didn't matter because I had a friend who knew me. He understood the things that define me and knew how they played a role in my life. Not only that, he sought to find out more of who I was in those things.
Now, I don't have a friend like that. My friends see jazz and bass and education as foreign. They steer clear of them and the best conversations I have are about the weather or homework (the college version of the weather in conversation). Now, I know that I do the same to my friends, but it is becuase I don't know much about their things. Maybe I should seek out their defining characteristics. or maybe I should find new friends. I just don't see that happening. I do love my friends; they try to connect even though it doesn't succeed. Once again, with no clear cut answer, I go to bed. Perhaps I'll actually fall asleep quickly this time.